news from the road: childhood fears claim the night

I am currently on a Megabus going to DC.  I got a bunch of free tickets because they had a special where they were just giving them away (??!) so I decided to take a poor woman's vacation.

Anyway, things were going so well.  I hung out with friends in Charlotte, caught the bus, discovered the internet worked, was getting some sleep (it's the red eye) when "splat splat" - some guy two seats back from me threw up in the isle.  The sound is unmistakable, even without retching.

This prompted an interesting response.  Two ladies sitting near me really flipped out, "Oh heeeell no, hell no!!!" and the unfortunate man who was sitting next to the sick man said "aaaaaaay!!!! stop the bus!  this man is throwin' up!"  Seconds later the alternate driver turned the lights on and assessed the situation.  They pulled the bus over and he told the sick guy to go outside and handed him a trash bag, the whole time the women were squawking about how gross, the smell, oh hell no, etc.  The sick man stood right outside the door and said "hey man, where does this bus go?" and the alternate driver said "we're going to DC" and then the sick guy said "oh yeah I'm on that bus!  where does it go?" "to DC!"  "Hey man don't kick me off the bus man."

So with the women still squawking the sick guy comes back on, holding a bright orange trash bag with rolled down edges.  He tries to calm everyone down and says "I'm ok, I'm ok, don't kick me off the bus" and as he's saying this he weaves into a pair of seats and obviously is losing his balance.  More "Oh HELL NO!! OH HELL NOOOO"'s.  He sits and the alternate bus driver turns the light off, puke still all over the isle and a faint acrid smell wafting around.  The ladies protest and say "Is someone going to clean that up?  I smell it!! I smell it!"  The sick guy says, "you can smell this?" and the lady behind me says "yes, it makes me nauseous."  Here here.  The Asian man across from me with long fingers says "can we put something over that?"  The bus driver walks around, finds some paper towels and a roll of toilet paper and I think he put a few sheets on the mess, handing off the rest of the paper products to our resident life-ruiner of the night.  Sick man says he will clean it up.  The woman across from me is chattering wildly in French to someone on the phone, obviously about what is going on on the bus.  Woman behind me demands the smell be covered up, someone sprays cologne directly on the floor.

The driver turns the lights off and we start to go again.  Everyone starts to calm down and shut their eyes.  Then we all hear the "splat splat" again.  "OH HELLLLLLL NO!!!! GET THE FUCK OFF THIS BUS!!"  The alternate bus driver, after a long pause of thinking about what to do, says loudly, "Man you throwing up again?" "I'm ok."  "Man use the BAG!"  The ladies are really mad now.  I look over and see that the Asian man with long fingers now has a face mask on (like the kind people wore during the swine flu scare).  They realized, like the rest of us, that it is up to us to contain this person because Megabus apparently has no protocol for sick people and what to do.  The lady behind me tells the sick man, "go to the back, go sit away from us" she even tells him to sit in the empty seats in front of me, which makes me immediately hate her.  She tells him to go to the back and sit near the bathroom, that way when he is sick he can throw up in there.  A beautiful idea.  The sad sick man takes his orange bag and goes to the back, he has not returned.  The woman who speaks French turned her light on and started talking to no one in particular, "I don't even care because this bus ride is FREE.  I'm getting a refund!  In my country, you can't do that!!!"  I'd like to know what she means.  She also demanded a "breathalyzer, or something in here, that SMELL!"

This whole thing brings to light one of my deepest fears I have harbored since childhood.  I don't know where this came from, I'm pretty sure it was one traumatic experience that I have blocked out- but I have a horrible fear of people throwing up on buses.  Riding the bus in elementary school taught me to keep my feet on the seat, almost at all times, because if someone pukes, it will roll all around the bus and it will TOUCH YOU.  I lived in fear for so long.  I also just generally have an irrational fear of vomit and throwing up in general.  I'm almost positive our sick passenger is drunk, or on drugs, so I'm not all that scared of being sick, thank god, which is the primary fear.

Anyway, you are scared of things for reasons.  My feet were already up when all this went down.  It's going to be a long night.

(PS, I understand wanting to be drunk or black out for a long bus ride, but really?  REALLY??? This happened maybe 20 minutes after he got on in Durham.  Asshole.)


edit: I'm now in DC, finally off of that godforsaken bus.  The guy ended up locking himself in the bathroom on the bus and passing out.  The driver had to pry the door open with a screw driver.  At a rest stop, a passenger took it upon herself to cover the isle with paper towels and trash bags.  More notable quotations from the ladies sitting near me:

"Oh my god, if he had gotten his filth on my Snuggie, Mama Africa!!!!!"
"Yeah, he's lucky that it didn't get on me, I would have really gone off."
"Why they going to get him out of the bathroom?  Let him stay in there until we get to DC!"

me: "He is probably passed out in there!"
lady: "he might be dead in there.  I don't even care if he's dead!"

"he just came on the bus LOOKING to sit next to someone, he knew he was sick!  he knew!  He WANTED to sit next to us!"

I'm getting blown away.

For the past week I have gone from feeling woozy and sick to a full on epic cold.  I've never had a cold in the summer before.  You don't get to curl up under a blanket with hot tea.  Also- there is no long sleeve to wipe your nose on.  I've been lying on top of the bed in my underwear just hoping the snot and coughing and sneezing will stop.  It should also be noted that when you're about to sneeze but can't is comparable to really bad sex.


The city relaxed on the summer heat and it has been glorious.  Today I opened the window and let the cool air in all day.  This evening the neighbor dogs were having fits.  They sound really small, the barks are high pitched and seem to not be aimed at anything in particular.  It is really obnoxious.  In between the dog fits one of the dog owners was playing his guitar and singing.  He played some Led Zeppelin and other classic rock favorites, stopping only to chastise the dogs by saying things like "if you don't stop I'm going to kill you, stop... STOP.... stooooooop!"  The last song he played was "Like a Hurricane."  


I have been spending a lot of money lately.  I've been buying Chinese pastries and a lot of Thai food.  I also bought several mangos and a couple jicamas.  When I bought the jicamas the hispanic guy who weighed them asked me how I eat them.  "I eat them plain, just raw" I said.  He said he likes them with salt and lime juice and chili powder on them.  I think I will try that when I do eat them this time.


I've been eating so many mangos that it makes me have an allergic reaction on my lips.  Did you know Mango sap has urushiol in it, the same chemical that causes such terrible reactions to poison ivy?  I'm usually fine and only have a mild reaction if I don't scrape the peel with my teeth or gnaw on the pit (both things I used to do).


I bought tickets for a great adventure next weekend.  I am so lucky to have the friends that I do.  It's like the bus driver that says "Have a blessed day" - thank you bus driver, I do feel blessed.

Summer Narcissism

I'm spending a month in DC currently.  It is hot but the breeze I get on my $35 cruiser bike helps.  The jerky brakes also keep me alert.

Today after convincing myself that I didn't actually feel as bad as I had imagined I would (repercussions from a friend's birthday celebration last night) I had a great telephone pow-wow with C.  She inspired me to drag the jerky $35 bike downstairs and ride ride ride to the Bloomingdale farmer's market where I have acquired a taste for the baguettes a local bakery sells.  The salesman is a sweet man and he always greets me with "Bonjour!" and "Merci Madame."  I get to pretend I'm in a sunny Paris for those few moments and for the remainder of my adventures with my baguette sticking out of my bag (half the fun of buying a baguette).

I helped a new friend with his vermicompost.  Undertaking an urban garden is somewhat of a depressing thing but if one has enough energy it can be rewarding.  I watched him dig up some pretty bad looking soil only to find that bricks had been laid about three inches below the dirt.  Now the bricks line the garden so no one will step on the plants.  Getting the worms out of the compost is kind of difficult.  I ended up just trying to pick out the "dirt" and putting the worms back.  I'm really thrilled about this compost because it means I can save my own food scraps for the worms.  I haven't gotten to do that in too long.  I need to start my own compost.

I returned home, ate a mango (great mango deal on Saturday) and went back out to meet a friend at the National Gallery to see the special exhibition of Allen Ginsberg's photographs. (the National Gallery's site is down?!  That link actually is important, maybe more than the nga.gov site)  Most of the photos were portraits and so interesting.  He provided commentary on each one at some point- it was very intimate.  I find it amazing that artists of that caliber all would know each other and be pals- though it isn't surprising.  You know, just hanging out with Jack Kerouac, Bob Dylan, other homies.  Stopping in the National Gallery also reminded me how awesome the Smithsonian system is.  You can walk in off the street, turn a few corners and walk right up to this, or this.  Thanks America!

We left the museum and were instantly entertained by a drag show going on in front of the National Gallery as part of the Gay Pride celebrations going on this week.  The city breathes!

throw me a party on a mountainside

I was on the south side of town so I made a quick stop in the J. Crew clearance center (the J. Crew distribution center for the South East is in Arden, NC) to see if they had any deals. They always do, I don't know why I always go there because I always end up buying something... but today was a great day because they had a bunch of their party dresses on sale (they hardly ever are on the sale rack, they are always $70, which is nothing considering they sell in the catalog for $200+ but too much for my party dress budget). I got this one, which orginially retailed for $275 in a great purple color for $7. I also got the one below in black for $7 (it also retailed for $275).

Now I just need some kickin' parties to wear them to. Or just wear them around town, this is Asheville, after all.

And speaking of Asheville, since the weather got cold today and it was clear and sunny and GORGEOUS... it feels like the dumbest idea in the world to want to move back to DC. Though, when I was in DC this weekend, it felt like the dumbest idea in the world to STAY IN ASHEVILLE. I just forgot how intoxicating the fall is here. I just need to have a life where I can live in two places. And wear awesome cocktail dresses.

guh the weather here... so awesome. I wore tights today but all I wanted to do was go backpacking.

No one really prepares you for how unreasonable the 20-something's mind is.

The Merry Blues

I returned to Asheville last weekend to celebrate graduation at Warren Wilson with friends- it turned out to be a huge 1-year-out-of-college reunion for a lot of folks. I was so ecstatically happy for a couple days- it feels so good to be manically happy after looking forward to something for so long. Seeing my boyfriend was also so good- I miss him every day. I have a lot of guilt for moving away, though I know that if I had stayed down there until he finished school I would have resented myself/him. I really had too much fun in Asheville, I knew it would happen. Right when I feel good about living in DC and charting a new course I go back and screw it all up with those intoxicating mountains, bearded men, and bluegrass. I almost wish Asheville were so far away that I really couldn't return, just so that temptation wouldn't be there and I could be left to forge a new existence without being foiled in one visit.

I am filled with a constant dilemma. Every day, I think about whether I should keep on with my new life in DC or if I should move back to Asheville. There are such wonderful advantages to both places. It was a very easy decision before I made good friends in DC- just wait out my lease here and then go back. Now I have people that make me happy here- I love the independence I have in the city- no car, easy access to whatever I want, always fun things going on and places to explore. It seems like I meet new people all the time who are really smart and successful. My old friends are constantly visiting me here- it is rare that I am alone. At the same time, the city can be grating on me. It's hard to get out of the concrete when you really want to- I feel awkward about listening to My Morning Jacket and Fleet Foxes, it is honestly inappropriate to listen to that stuff in a city. I miss the watchful mountains of Western NC and the familiar faces and places there. I miss being close to my mom, and boyfriend, too. I know I would be happy in both places- that is the biggest problem. Which would make me happiest? I was always under the impression that after college life is glamorous and easy, you set yourself up and just go. It is like that sometimes- but there are always problems. It would be so much easier to not get so attached to people and places. At least I got out of South Carolina and have no desire to return.

I suppose the answer is just to continue the wait for my lease to go up- see how the summer goes. My job is miserable, so that does have a large influence. Today, I lean toward staying in DC. Tomorrow, we'll see. The answer is always "wait and see what happens" for EVERYTHING.

I also am aware of what I have termed "Asheville Disease" - which is a disease that affects those who have visited or lived in Asheville and fell in love with it but can't find a way to return. Those of us who live every day with the pull to go back but no opportunity for a decent job there or some other obstacle that keeps us where we are. Asheville Disease is made worse by going back, of course. There is another saying about Warren Wilson graduates- there are two types. The ones that stay in Asheville and can't find a job and the ones that leave Asheville, have a job, but are just trying to go back. This is so true it is pathetic. It's nice to not be alone in my illness, though.

I am also finally aware of the fact that choosing Warren Wilson College was the best possible decision I could have made about where to go to school. It took this long to realize it, but a big thank you to 18-year-old Elizabeth is in order. Seriously, I went to the perfect school for me. I have no regrets about it and I don't think I would have been happier anywhere else. There were times when I thought about transferring- but I found the people that I needed to learn and to grow so it worked out. It makes paying the loans not so terrible.

I am also aware now that there are way more people reading this blog than I thought. I'll try to update it more. I know I always say that.

Union Station

Every day I purposely exit the metro in Union Station so that I get to walk through the inside of Union Station. I have several reasons for doing this.

1. So that I can stay out of the cold weather for as long as possible- walking through Union Station is at least an entire block that I can preserve the feeling in my fingers, toes, and ears.
2. To see the gobs of 8th graders from all over the country making their required pilgrimage to our nation's capitol. I always know who they are by their matching brightly colored t shirts and the ridiculous cliques of hip girls, nerdy boys, fat goths, etc. They are extremely hard to walk around because they won't split up their clique pack for anything. They also have no idea about the flow of foot traffic.
3. To see the tourists in general. They are always taking pictures of the ceiling or videotaping their girlfriend and it's fun to walk by them really fast with a scowl. "Silly tourists, I work here! Get out of my way." This is also fun to do with the hordes of 8th graders.
4. Window shopping. On my path out of Union Station I pass by an Au Bon Pan (look at the bread and pastries), a Borders, a Nine West (love the shoe displays), an Origins, The Body Shop, a Swarovski crystal store (right now they have a display of crystal gorillas?) a chocolate store, and a weird cart that sells coffee. Some days I enjoy the whiff of perfume waifting from The Body Shop but some days it makes me really nauseous.
   

I am sad because at Christmas when I would come out of the train part and into the big hall there was a HUGE Christmas tree glowing. It made me so happy. There was also a model train set, a player piano, and three giant (GIANT) wreaths out front. Now all that is gone. Yesterday they took down the wreaths and were hammering and fussing to take the train apart. I come out expecting to see the Christmas tree now and since it's not there I get so disappointed.

Merry Christmas, walrus playing saxaphone

There is a dead pigeon in Union Station that I have seen for two days now. It's tucked in a corner. I think it probably got too cold; the highs were in the 30's for the past few days. I feel really sad about it when I see it because I know that the pigeon will end up in the trash and will never be buried in the dirt (unless I do it). At least it won't go to a landfill- all of DC's trash goes to a waste-to-energy incineration plant.

I came home from work early today because I started feeling crummy. I feel even more crummy after trying to sleep it off- I don't know what the deal is. It was great coming home during daylight, though.

My roommate E and I are going to New York City this weekend. I'm super excited, I'm going to stay with my friend C and take on the City. I'm the most excited to see NYC at Christmastime, I've always wanted to be there at this time of year- it seems so romantic and magical. I want to see the big Christmas tree and I also want to become unafraid of the NYC subway. As it stands I fear it more than any other public transportation / most things in life.

Tonight I discovered a big leak in the ceiling of the bathroom. Maybe we'll get a break in rent or something. This past weekend my roommate E's mom came to visit so we finally tried to decorate. We've put it off for EVER. I took the time to really get my room in shape and now I'm really liking it. It looks like Urban Outfitters and Ikea had a fight in here. I'm pleased. I got a really nice wool carved oriental rug at a church yard sale a while back and it looks nice in here. It reminds me of home a lot, even unconsciously because as soon as I put it down I starting throwing my clothes on it. We hung some pictures up in the living room but it's starting to look a little too grown up I think, I like more tacky and hilarious stuff. We did get a silver tinsil fiber optic Christmas tree at Target, so that helps.

I've adopted the huge Christmas tree in Union Station kind of as my Christmas tree for now. It's really big and it's decorated with US and Sweedish (?) flags. They also have a player piano next to it and every time I walk by it it's playing Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies. I don't know if that's because I walk by it at the exact same time every day or if it's because the piano only plays 2 or 3 songs. One day maybe I'll wait around and investigate it.

I wish I could tell work stories on here, because that would make this blog 8000x more interesting, but I don't want to jepordize my job. Maybe if there is enough interest I can create a password protected thing. Send me a message or comment if you'd be interested.

I'll leave you with this, because it is basically the funniest thing ever:

Obama! Yes Yes Y'all!

Obama won!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am still so thrilled I can't even handle all my emotions. One of the first feelings I felt (once I quit screaming) was an overwhelming feeling of protection and safe-ness. Barack won't take away my rights as a woman and Biden will fight for the rights I deserve. I'm so happy. That is only the tip of the iceberg of all the things I'm happy about concerning this election. (HI I CAMPAIGNED FOR AND VOTED FOR THE GUY THAT WON, HOW ABOUT THAT?!)

When I walked to the metro at 7AM to go to work the line to vote at the middle school a block from my apartment was wrapped all the way around the block! The District of Columbia voted 93% for Obama... I am in heaven. I went from South Carolina to 93%... so awesome!!!

C and T came over and I made some "Yes We Can Spaghetti" (success!) and some "Campaign for Change" cupcakes. The cupcakes were good, the colors came out kind of pastel. I need a measuring cup really bad.

So we screamed and toasted and had a lot of fun celebrating. NC STILL has not been called, but it looks like Obama won in the closest race in the country... so my vote did go a long way. Cool. After C and T left I couldn't sleep and was very antsy so I walked to the capitol. It's such a nice walk and so beautiful at night. There is still a lot to be done, we can't ignore the fact that this country is still not accepting of gay people and that will have to change. But for now, I'm just going to be happy about Barack and his cute family. I'll be upset about other things soon enough, anyway. I can't wait till inauguration day!!

Subway Rat Habitat

Oh, DC Halloween. I've been curious about how DC celebrates Halloween for a long time. No, people do not dress up for work. Yes, people do dress up at night. I raced home from work to get ready and was looking forward to a short nap to sustain me for the rest of the night but after getting back to the apartment I realized I forgot to pick up my checks at the post office. I had to return to get them because I had to pay rent so I walked all the way back. Waited in line at the post office for a long time, I saw a witch while I was there. On the way back a homeless man shouted at me, "HEY PRECIOUS, YOU GOT SOME CHANGE FOR ME?"

When I came back to the apartment the second time I realized on my walk that the trick-or-treaters were already out collecting their dues! I raced back to throw the Reese's in a bowl and immediately had several little kids at my door. So cute. Does this mean I'm a grown up now? There were way more Hannah Montana's than anything else. One little boy was a dinosaur and when I opened the door he let out a quiet little "raaaaarrrrr".. he must have been 3 years old! So cute.

So I never got my nap. I showered and put my costume on (Subway Rat!!! Rat that rides on the subway...) and walked back out to catch the metro. I knew I was in for it when on my walk through Union Station I saw a HUGE dude dressed like Frankenstein already so wasted that he couldn't walk, he was slumped over on a girl who was two feet shorter than him. Oh, Halloween. There were lots of the slutty college girl costumes (police with cleavage and no real pants to speak of, tinkerbells with magic wands, etc).

I met up with C and T in Dupont for a house party. It was massive- there were probably around 300 people there. I felt really out of place, as did my friends from Warren Wilson. We're just not used to so many people at a party. They had a great DJ if you could even get in the room where people were dancing. They also had bountiful "refreshments" which was nice. There was a girl there dressed up like a bottle of Jagermeister- that was awesome. She even had antlers on. Another guy was dressed as an LOL Cat- he had a sign that said "I CAN HAZ SNUGLEZ?"

We party hopped to another house party that was also really fun. They had a really nice keg of beer in the shower and good chocolate candy. We enjoyed it. THEN we walked to Adam's Morgan and got JUMBO SLICE. Now, I'm pretty sure Jumbo Slice is something only DC peeps know about because I've never heard of it until now. There are several of these shops around areas of active late night activities. You walk in, pay your $4.50, and get a slice of pizza so big that it is served to you on two paper plates.

The pizza is really thin and good and you can put parm and Italian herbs or hot pepper on it. The place was PACKED with all the hungry costumed DC party-goers. C, T, and I sat down and a giant hot dog sat down with us. I remember saying, "HEY... WHY AREN'T YOU EATING HOT DOGS, HOT DOG?" Oh god, what a night.

After trying to get a cab for 800 years we finally got a private driver car who had NO IDEA how to get to Capitol Hill (where I live). Seriously... 45 minutes later we get there after T and I are giving him our own directions.

So today E and I spent recovering from our fun- I was out till 4:00AM so today was pretty shot. We watched re-runs of West Wing and ate candy all day. I celebrated Dia de los Muertos.

I cooked Sam some steak as an offering. I have never cooked steak before but I think I did a really good job! I put it in a skillet with some olive oil, pepper, soy sauce, brown sugar, and chili powder. I liked it , I think she probably did too. So I guess now everyone thinks I'm 100% crazy.. but whatever. It makes me feel better. Feliz dia de los muertos, todos.

So, before all the Halloween candy is eaten I wanted to put up a link to YES WE CARVE- a site dedicated to jackolanterns carved in support of Barack Obama. Kind of the coolest thing ever. Thad showed that to me.

Sarah Palin: Way Better as a Drag Queen

I just got back from the drag queen race in Dupont Circle (and after party shenanigans). The drag queens were SO AWESOME. There were at least 10 different Sarah Palin's, one Princess Diana (and her security guards), the Washington Monument (?!), Rainbow Brite, and on and on and on. Oh yeah, I can't forget the Victoria's Secret Angels. It was so fun. The race was actually at 9PM but the drag queens just parade and walk around starting at 7 or 8, so T and I met up and tried to find a place where we could see. There were a billion people there. Here are some highlights I took pictures of. This is just something you have to see to understand.

At one point this guy Patrick Mara walked by with an entourage of supporters with big campaign signs. We couldn't see any of the Drag Queens because of the signs and none of them were dressed up and everyone around me was grumbling, so without thinking I shouted, "HEY, WHERE'S YOUR DRESS?!" And the guy, Patrick Mara, turned to me himself and said "It's in my pants.. I'm not wearing underwear" or something crazy like that. haha. Apparently he's running for DC Council and supports equal marriage, so power to him, just don't disrupt my Drag Queen watching.

More pictures later? I've been distracted from this blog post for like 2 days now so. Shit. I am so busy. OK MORE LATER HAPPY HALLOWEEN Y FELIZ DIA DE LOS MUERTOS Y VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!!!!

my new city, my new friend

DC is still magical, I'm still excited all the time. I figured out where some of the city pigeons sleep: in Union Station! Those lazy bastards are still sleeping when I go to work. I also keep tabs on the gray squirrels that live/work/play near my office.

Yesterday I found a cheap last minute flight to go home for the long weekend. I was never a believer in the whole "last minute" deals but they are REAL. I'm really excited to see my mom and bring things back to the apartment. Also, the South Carolina State Fair is going on now and I GET TO GO! It's like I get fall break just like I did in college!

I have lots of things I want to write about concerning the Pentagon, since that is where I get off of the metro and get on a bus to get to/from work. My internet paranoia has truly reached new heights so I am not going to tell Pentagon stories other than the Monday morning protesters that quietly hold signs right where you get off of the escalator from the metro. I see them at 7:30AM, who knows what time they get there. One week they protested the war in Iraq, this week it was Afrocon. It's really interesting because probably 80-85% of the people who get off at the Pentagon metro on Monday morning at 7:30 work in the Pentagon, and they orchestrate wars and things, so it's a really significant place to protest something. And everyone is always brooding in the morning.

Riding to and from the Pentagon stop so much has made me realize how exciting and scary and hot it is to see all the men and women in their various uniforms going to and from work. I've seen Navy, Army, Airforce, all kinds of uniforms. It's so attractive! I don't know why!

So I guess I have to go pick out my "party shirt" for the last day of customer service week tomorrow. Good grief. At least I don't have to pack a lunch!