This is what I did when I wasn't being a super baby all weekend. BFF Carmen brings the sanity and the hope.

that was the last time I will post some cryptic emo bullshit on the internet. Paper journal is being resurrected. sorry to everyone who read.
cheers.

Poopsgiving

Sometimes the comfort of being at home is the same thing that makes it so intolerable. This entire town, the paths I take to people's houses, the smells in my mother's house, street signs, everything is dripping with memories and associations that I just would rather wipe out than be reminded of.

I guess I'm in an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind kind of mood but honestly- I've felt this way about this town for years. This trip is just magnified because of recent developments and the fact that after you graduate from college you grow up like 20X.

Debbie downer, huh?

Here are things I am thankful for:

Conan on at 12:00!! TV is magic.
haircuts
Peewee Herman on a Roomba! (Conan)
my mom's new appreciation for alcohol
my mom being happy
living in the mountains
really good friends (even though they are everywhere I'm not, with a couple exceptions)
being loved even though I am awful
not being allergic to any foods
not being sick
the potential for getting a dog
health, life, food, shelter, privledge, opportunity, the future

all over the place

On Friday when I was driving back from a meeting when the traffic on the highway backed up on the bridge that goes over the French Broad river. I figured it was a wreck and slowed down with all the other cars around me. When I got to where the police car was parked in the middle of the bridge with it's lights flashing I saw beyond it a huge dog, a husky, or a wolfdog, disemboweled and dead lying in the road. It's blood had colored a good portion of the bridge and was still being painted across with all the tires that drove by. It's intestines were strewn around like streamers at a party.

Here is a recipe that I make a lot. I call it "Corn Thyme Soup" but this incarnation of it tastes more like some kind of a pepper soup.

so you need:

1 can of corn

1 can of creamed corn

2 red bell peppers

1 green bell pepper

1 or 2 onions, depending on how much you like

a little butter and flour to make a rue

vegetable broth or chicken broth (one or two cans, or get the box and use about half)

about a cup of milk? maybe more

fresh thyme

cayenne, chili powder, white pepper (only one is necessary, you don't have to have all of them)

bacon (optional)

make a rue the way you know how to with the flour and the butter. If you cook this with the bacon you don't really need the rue, just cook the bacon instead and that is the soup base thing. cut up the onions and throw them in first to saute. Cut up the thyme and put that in too. I like a lot, to the point where you eat a leaf of it in every spoon full. Chopping the thyme makes its flavor come out more but you end up eating the "sticks" that the leaves are on. You can also just strip each "branch" of the leaves and throw the leaves in.

I let that saute while I cut up the peppers and throw those in, too. I like to cook this mix until everything isn't too too crunchy like it's raw, I guess just getting it to all mix flavors. Also, you can spice it with the chili powder, cayenne, and white pepper now if you want. I just spice it to taste how I like it but BE CAREFUL because all the spices sink to the bottom of the soup- so if you spice it and it doesn't seem to be getting spicy, all of it is prob on the bottom. Learned the hard way with that.

So... then you open up the can of corn, drain it, add that to the mix. Add the creamed corn too. Stir that up for a little. Then add the broth- I just add it until it's soupy and then add the milk on top of that. It just depends on how soupy or chunky you want it. The soup itself gets thicker over time, the entire soup is def. better a couple days after you make it.

After I add all the liquid I let it get hot again (on medium or low) and then cut it off. If you leave it on there too hot for too long the veggies just get boiled and are gross. I also taste it to see if it needs salt, ground pepper, more cayenne or anything like that. Sometimes if the broth is low-sodium or something I add soy sauce instead of salt. I don't think it really matters. I also put hot sauce in it if I want it to be hotter.

I eat this all the time.

I am a vegetarian again, I think when my life starts spinning out of control I like to be able to restrict things- food is an easy target. Since I am getting a haircut tomorrow my Zooey Deschanel obsession has been kind of bad today. I learned she is a vegan because she is allergic to most dairy. Maybe for new years I will be a vegan and see how that goes. I can't deal with that over the holidays. I want to be Zooey.

I pulled out my banjo and played some Christmas carols tonight, that made me feel good. I also now have a tumblr account: http://elizzlebizzle.tumblr.com

Making playlists is really therapeutic for me. I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving and see old friends. I hope they want to see me too.

broken heart remix

"today my eyes are in a state of either watering up and about to cry or recovering from watering up. it was one or the other, all day.

I just want to hide, or run, or unzip myself out of this life and into someone elses, or just hit rewind for a couple years. I feel so bad. I hope the bear that has been patrolling the intersection of Broadway and Merrimon that I heard in my backyard last week comes and eats me in my sleep tonight.

I am trying to quit the internet for a while but the alternatives for right now include beer, sleeping, some books I'm not excited about, and an entire world that I'm not interested in. what am I doing."

I wrote this on July 20 but it all comes back. I hope the bear is still around. I am so sad.

I hate it when I feel so sick that I think I'm going to throw up but I can't seem to do it. I don't have the courage to stick my fingers down my throat, either. I don't even know if it would make me feel better.

Probably not.

map

here's the link to that: www.xkcd.com/256

Is it weird that I just want to print this out and highlight all the things I use?