I need the darkness, someone please cut the lights

I'm back in Asheville.  I'm pretty pleased to be back.  My living situation has caused some stress but I am moving at the end of the month so things will be changing soon.  It will be my first apartment all to myself.  I've been reading the blog Tiny-Ass Apartment as well as obsessing over Apartment Therapy since I put the deposit down.  I'll be purging a lot of my stuff soon to prepare.  The possibility of a dog is in the future once I recover from the financial stress of doctors bills (all well visits) housing deposits, travel, etc.

I had a pretty crazy experience while I was at home.  My mom and I went to the Verizon store to get new phones (time to sign a new contract).  I seriously hate going to the Verizon store.  I usually do look forward to getting a new phone (toy) and can deal with the store for that- but this time.... I think the combination of the weight of getting a new phone when my old one works pretty well (4+ years later!) and my mom trying to explain what she wanted to the commission-obsessed salesman when she doesn't really understand what exactly she wants... I don't know.  The store was packed with people musing over new phone gadgets and I just started feeling really really crazy.  I thought I was going to freak out, it must be what people who get claustrophobic feel like.  I just told mom we had to leave and I walked out.  She was good about it and we just left.  I've never gone nuts in that way before.  I think the bi-polar-ness I feel when I'm at home influenced that a lot.  I have moments of extreme vulnerability when I'm there.

I think I'm going through some kind of life-stage that is purely grounded in a holistic search to make me happy.  That includes not working a standard 40-hour a week job, learning to be comfortable in solitude (dealing with loneliness in healthy ways), and just saying yes to everything that has potential for excitement, even if there may be consequences later.  Being in the mountains makes me so happy.  It thrills me that I can drive for a while and sleep outside where I can see ALL THE STARS.

Since I work about 20 hours a week right now (all at night), I have a lot of time to play during the day.  I've been trying to fill my days as much as possible with outside activities and exercise.  Being outside and moving helps my brain so much.  I try to go on at least one adventure every day.

I have been listening pretty much solely to Lissie lately (burnout on She & Him is a sad reality).  Lissie's album is going to be huge, I promise.  In case you might question her complete rad-ness here is PROOF:


I babysat a lot last week.  4-year-old S is trip, hanging out with him is like hanging out with someone who is on drugs (typical 4-year-old).  He was drinking some kind of sparkling water drink he calls "fizzy water."   I said, "S, what does that fizzy water taste like?" and he said very slowly,
"it. tastes. like. your. blood."
"really? how do you know that?"
"I don't know"
"you said it tastes like my blood, what does that taste like?"
".......fizzy water"

I also would like to plug quite possibly the greatest blog I've read in years: Hyperbole and a Half.  You should read the greatest entry of all time which is called This is Why I'll Never be an Adult.  It explained my life to myself in a way that I had not ever realized.

I got a ticket to see Sufjan Stevens in Asheville when he comes in November.  I am hoping (borderline praying) that he will play some of his Christmas music when he is here.

Here are some pictures from recent adventures:

This is the jam: