negative limerick

my heart is heavy
I am filled with DREAD
if I see that fat man Santa
I will shoot him in the head

would rather celebrate alone
than surrounded by the past
just want to feel better
I hope Christmas goes by fast

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! But I think I'll miss this one this year.

I need to write a post while I'm feeling (mostly) awesome.

The theme for Christmas this year is:

CHRISTMAS CAN SUCK A DICK 2K9

All that means is that I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING. Don't care! (this is a lie)

It snowed between 12 and 17 inches in Asheville and basically all my wildest dreams came true (not true) but it made me SO HAPPY (THANK YOU SANTA). I love that the city shut down and I got to roam the streets and pick up snow and eat it everywhere I went. Snowball fights with strangers, giant snowmen, lots of booze, awesome storm times.... xtreme fun. I was hopeful that the snow might cancel Christmas (prevent me from going home) but the snow is probably going to melt and make that a reality again. I have to go back to hoping to get swine flu. Working from home again tomorrow means more happy fun time. It is putting a damper on my running schedule but that is ok- there is plenty of time for that when everything goes back to normal.

I think in line with the tradition of 40 days of 40's that my friends would do during Lent in college, I may be soon celebrating the 12 days of Champagne Christmas (starting today). Life is so much better with snow and Champagne and NO EXAMS or school stress.

This weekend I drank Brandy from a bottle and had a snowball chaser. There is something about snow and liquor that just goes hand in hand.

Oh man, I am ok. I am just as awesome as I always was. Probably until I wake up tomorrow I JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING. I have also decided that when I am home for the 3 days that are required of me I will either be drinking or on a runner's high. That is the goal, maybe for the rest of the month! It really is the perfect recipe for awesome. Just stay warm, be happy with what you've got, hope for the future. I have great friends.

desire

Today I went to an animal shelter and found two of the most wonderful dogs. They were both poodle terrier mix type dogs just like my old dog Sam was. (This is a picture of Samantha)

I would have taken them home on the spot if it weren't for several important factors:

1. I can't have 2 dogs (they can't be separated)
2. I haven't moved yet
3. both of the dogs are 8 years old. I probably won't have enough expendable income for a geriatric dog for another few years
4. their names were terrible


wait, why can't I have those dogs?

I can't wait to get a dog. We will save each other. I have been wanting one since I was in college.

Dear Santa,
Elizabeth here. You read my blog, I'm sure. I've been kind of crazy this year. I have done some things I've regretted but never for the wrong reasons. I think I've done the best I could have this year. If I'm on the nice list, here is what I want:

a dog
some dog toys
a good dose of hope
some sanity
a big snow that shuts down everything for a couple days
lots of things that are unreasonable and can't be put on the blog (but you know what they are, because you read minds like Jesus and you're everywhere like a panopticon)

make it happen, Santa. I know how to make vegan cookies.

nothing is right

I wish food didn't make me feel so sick every. time. I. eat.

I really need to get real with the vegan thing, when I stick to it I don't feel nearly as bad.

Santa, get behind me!

tonight I got my craft on and it was so therapeutic. Making lino prints is soothing and not complicated. I need to be doing that way more often. It's such a beautiful process to think up an image and draw it and carve it and eventually paint it and print it and see if the print is what your image was in your head. My artistic endeavors very rarely turn out like they are in my head except with lino prints. I want to create an entire collection of prints and make stationary and sell it. If I'm going to be starving all the time I may as well be an artist too.

I was vegan all day today. Yesterday was foiled by honey. I think I'm going to be somewhat of a lazy vegan- if I can try to hold up through most of Christmas it will be awesome. I am definitely going to eat the candy in my stocking and whatever non-meaty food my mom cooks...

Tomorrow I am going to run a new loop at lunch. I'm really excited about it. I want to sign up for a 10K that is at the end of January but I'm not sure if I can do very well in it since it's so close. Thus far I've just been running for mental health reasons but I need something else to motivate me. I really would like to run a 10K- I know I can do it but I want to do it and be proud of it.

My room has become a case of complete squalor. My level of organization almost always reflects my mental state. I am happy to report that I am moving at the end of the month to a house a couple blocks from where I currently live... so if all else fails I will have to clean up to pack.

WHAT THE CUSS

the world was made good by the following:

Fantastic Mr. Fox
Fantastic Mr. Fox soundtrack
Free showing of Elf at the Brew and View
awesome luck at the J. Crew sample sale
Christmas Jam beer at the Brew and View
mom visit
VEGAN DUMPLINGS
GREG
Megan
Tippy
hot toddies
the library
FUTURE EXCITING EVENTS THAT COST A LOT OF MONEY BUT ARE FULL OF LOVE AND ADVENTURE

FEELING REALLY GOOD

evil urges

Oh, how Stuff White People Like speaks to me. I used a giftcard, does that make it ok?

When I feel really crazy I think in ALL CAPS. That's why the last two posts were so LOUD.

I just made my Corn Thyme soup but I made it VEGAN because today is a 100% vegan day. So far. I really need to lay off the cayenne.

I am considering further isolating myself from the PLANET by taking a Spanish II night class on Monday nights (my only night off other than Friday and Saturday). It's really cheap and I really would like to get better at Spanish. I think that now that I'm not actually in school it might be fun- I would have time to care and not be caught up in full time student insanity. Not sure if I should give up one of 3 nights off, though. The course ends in March.

I've been running along the French Broad River every day at lunch. I really like to see how big it gets after it rains. Sometimes it looks like a big, soft, pillow that you could jump on. I get these weird urges to jump on it and see if it would work even though I know it wouldn't. I also get urges like that when walking across tall bridges (jump off), hiking in cliff-type situations or steep areas (jump off, hurl myself down a mountain), etc. It's not suicidal, even in the happiest of times I feel like that.

The other day I thought I saw a raccoon chilling near the river but it turned out to be some geese.

MESSES OF RADIANT HEAT

TODAY I WAS A VEGAN ALL DAY

I THINK THAT ALL THE SHIT IN MY ROOM THAT IS ALL OVER THE FLOOR ABSORBS HEAT WHILE I WORK AT NIGHT AND THEN GIVES OFF RADIANT HEAT THROUGH THE NIGHT AFTER I CUT THE HEAT OFF. THAT IS MY EXCUSE FOR WHY I HAVE NOT CLEANED MY ROOM / PUT AWAY CLOTHES IN OVER A MONTH.

I FEEL LIKE I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO CHRISTMAS OR TO SOME KIND OF 'BREAK' BUT THERE ISN'T ONE. I AM ONLY GOING TO GO HOME FOR 3 DAYS. DAMN STRAIGHT.

TODAY I DOWNLOADED THE ROSEBUDS ALBUM BUT I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE IT YET. I TRIED TO DOWNLOAD THE GENERATIONALS BUT CAN'T FIND THE FULL ALBUM ANYWHERE.

EVERYTHING WILL BE WORTH IT. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE GREAT. I AM GOING TO BE OK. I AM GOING TO BE OK. I AM GOING TO BE OK. I AM GOING TO BE OK.

NOT VEGAN

I AM SUCH A TERRIBLE VEGAN. GOAT CHEESE AND JELLO SHOTS MADE THIS DAY NOT VEGAN. THE JELLO SHOTS EVEN HAD WHIPPED CREAM. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE VEGAN WITH THAT?!!

I HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN A VEGAN FOR 0 DAYS. I WENT VEGAN A WEEK AGO. MAN I SUCK.

HERE WE GO

HERE IS WHAT I DID TODAY

I RAN 3 MILES
I ATE SOME SOUP
I SAW GREG AND CHILLI
I WORE MY NEW BLACK TIGHTS
I LISTENED TO GRAM PARSONS
I WORKED A LOT