disease and detriment

3 weeks ago I got a headache that got worse, and worse, and worse.  It went on for days and by the time I dragged my sloppy ass to the urgent care I couldn't sleep anymore because it hurt so much.  I thought it was a sinus infection (fantasies of stabbing forks through my skull usually lead me to this conclusion) but the doc looked in my throat and proclaimed that he could "smell the strep."  Right.  I've never had strep.  My throat didn't even hurt that bad.  I failed the strep test, too.  He sent me away with prescriptions for antibiotics, steroids, and vicodin, just to make sure to kill off everything in my body.  I was excited to start feeling better but underestimated how hard going to Wal-Mart to get the prescriptions filled would be.


It occurred to me while I was sweating with a fever in the dairy section listening to Christmas carols and endlessly looping commercials about Thanksgiving feasts that I hadn't eaten in several days and I really might pass out right there in front of the chocolate pudding I was staring at.  Hallucinating in Wal-Mart is terrifying.  I grabbed a cliff bar and sat on the bench near the pharmacy and ate a bite and prayed that I wouldn't pass out and fall on the linoleum floor.  (I have an irrational fear of linoleum floors).


I made it and came home and looked at my throat and saw was the doc saw.  ZOMBIE DEATH THROAT.


A week later, antibiotics almost all gone, my throat was looking just as bad as had when I first went in.  I hadn't really gotten out of bed for the entire week, either.  You know when you're sick and you hit that wall where you're like, "Screw this!  I'm bored.  I'm tired of being in bed.  Time for other things!" and you move to small activities and then to bigger ones and then you're all functioning again?  It had been 7 days and I still was content to sleep almost all day and night and watch episodes of Bored to Death and take vicodin.  I went back to the urgent care.  They did a mono-spot test and I HAVE MONO.


DO YOU UNDERSTAND WORLD?  I HAVE MONONUCLEOSIS.


I spent Thanksgiving alone and in bed.  It was pathetic but I was not having any of "driving for 3 hours to eat lots of food and potentially getting mom sick" or my mom driving here just to eat food with me.  You see, mono has this way of making you forget about food.  Even on Thanksgiving.


Since then I have been laying in bed.  I'm on a new course of steroids that is pretty sweet except for the side effects, which I haven't noticed (other than the insomnia which is listed as a long-term side effect, HA) but are worth a read:

• Elevated pressure in the eyes (glaucoma)
• Fluid retention, causing swelling in your lower legs
• Increased blood pressure
• Mood swings
• Weight gain, with fat deposits in your abdomen, face and the back of your neck

OH RIGHT, FAT DEPOSITS ON THE BACK OF MY NECK AND ALSO ON MY FACE.  As if the attractive golfball sized swollen lymph node on my left jaw isn't enough.  Anyway, I'll be done taking those tomorrow- they have helped a lot with that whole zombie death throat thing.  Hopefully zombie death throat will not return.

Here are things I've learned from having mono:

• pets are amazing at making you NOT feel like you are a worthless sack of shit.  If you have to take care of one, you have a purpose and you don't question God constantly on why you exist in the first place if you are feeling like this.  Pippa is a hilarious companion and she is my best friend.
• orange juice: seems like a great idea.  IT'S NOT.  The zombie throat of death prohibits the citrus. 
• ice cream: FANTASTIC IDEA.
• having mono over a major holiday was kind of cool for being so sucky.  The handouts were great: I sampled 3 different Thanksgivings and realized I love sweet potatoes, pumpkin related items, brussel sprouts, TURKEY, and other things a lot more than I thought.  I should eat these things more.
• antiseptic throat spray rules
• my sick uniform here at chez eliz: black leggings, deep v tee shirt (helps with fevers, you can cool down way faster), long sleeve over that, and uggs and a vest to take Pippa out.  It goes from day, to night, to day, to night, to day, to night, to day, to night..... here at the hipster hospital ward
• emotional breakdowns, whether because of hormone induced craziness from steroids or from sufjan stevens or from the fact that you haven't talked to a human face to face in 4 days, can almost always be cured by a dumb movie, eating something, or having a conversation with your dog.

I've had the mild urge to spread mono to other people who live in my building using biowarfare tactics (licking door knobs, etc) to get even with their noisy obnoxious behavior.  I also like thinking of myself as a phoenix that is dying slowly only to reemerge out of my memory foam mattress as Elizabeth 2.0 who will conquer the planet in the following ways:

1. wearing bright lip stick
2. making new friends
3. styling my hair
4. trying harder to look like Zooey Deschanel
5. cooking things other than stir fry
6. drinking heavily and reveling in my 20's before I get washed up 
7. moving somewhere temporarily with my mobile job and seeing what happens.

all over the place

On Friday when I was driving back from a meeting when the traffic on the highway backed up on the bridge that goes over the French Broad river. I figured it was a wreck and slowed down with all the other cars around me. When I got to where the police car was parked in the middle of the bridge with it's lights flashing I saw beyond it a huge dog, a husky, or a wolfdog, disemboweled and dead lying in the road. It's blood had colored a good portion of the bridge and was still being painted across with all the tires that drove by. It's intestines were strewn around like streamers at a party.

Here is a recipe that I make a lot. I call it "Corn Thyme Soup" but this incarnation of it tastes more like some kind of a pepper soup.

so you need:

1 can of corn

1 can of creamed corn

2 red bell peppers

1 green bell pepper

1 or 2 onions, depending on how much you like

a little butter and flour to make a rue

vegetable broth or chicken broth (one or two cans, or get the box and use about half)

about a cup of milk? maybe more

fresh thyme

cayenne, chili powder, white pepper (only one is necessary, you don't have to have all of them)

bacon (optional)

make a rue the way you know how to with the flour and the butter. If you cook this with the bacon you don't really need the rue, just cook the bacon instead and that is the soup base thing. cut up the onions and throw them in first to saute. Cut up the thyme and put that in too. I like a lot, to the point where you eat a leaf of it in every spoon full. Chopping the thyme makes its flavor come out more but you end up eating the "sticks" that the leaves are on. You can also just strip each "branch" of the leaves and throw the leaves in.

I let that saute while I cut up the peppers and throw those in, too. I like to cook this mix until everything isn't too too crunchy like it's raw, I guess just getting it to all mix flavors. Also, you can spice it with the chili powder, cayenne, and white pepper now if you want. I just spice it to taste how I like it but BE CAREFUL because all the spices sink to the bottom of the soup- so if you spice it and it doesn't seem to be getting spicy, all of it is prob on the bottom. Learned the hard way with that.

So... then you open up the can of corn, drain it, add that to the mix. Add the creamed corn too. Stir that up for a little. Then add the broth- I just add it until it's soupy and then add the milk on top of that. It just depends on how soupy or chunky you want it. The soup itself gets thicker over time, the entire soup is def. better a couple days after you make it.

After I add all the liquid I let it get hot again (on medium or low) and then cut it off. If you leave it on there too hot for too long the veggies just get boiled and are gross. I also taste it to see if it needs salt, ground pepper, more cayenne or anything like that. Sometimes if the broth is low-sodium or something I add soy sauce instead of salt. I don't think it really matters. I also put hot sauce in it if I want it to be hotter.

I eat this all the time.

I am a vegetarian again, I think when my life starts spinning out of control I like to be able to restrict things- food is an easy target. Since I am getting a haircut tomorrow my Zooey Deschanel obsession has been kind of bad today. I learned she is a vegan because she is allergic to most dairy. Maybe for new years I will be a vegan and see how that goes. I can't deal with that over the holidays. I want to be Zooey.

I pulled out my banjo and played some Christmas carols tonight, that made me feel good. I also now have a tumblr account: http://elizzlebizzle.tumblr.com

Making playlists is really therapeutic for me. I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving and see old friends. I hope they want to see me too.