disease and detriment

3 weeks ago I got a headache that got worse, and worse, and worse.  It went on for days and by the time I dragged my sloppy ass to the urgent care I couldn't sleep anymore because it hurt so much.  I thought it was a sinus infection (fantasies of stabbing forks through my skull usually lead me to this conclusion) but the doc looked in my throat and proclaimed that he could "smell the strep."  Right.  I've never had strep.  My throat didn't even hurt that bad.  I failed the strep test, too.  He sent me away with prescriptions for antibiotics, steroids, and vicodin, just to make sure to kill off everything in my body.  I was excited to start feeling better but underestimated how hard going to Wal-Mart to get the prescriptions filled would be.


It occurred to me while I was sweating with a fever in the dairy section listening to Christmas carols and endlessly looping commercials about Thanksgiving feasts that I hadn't eaten in several days and I really might pass out right there in front of the chocolate pudding I was staring at.  Hallucinating in Wal-Mart is terrifying.  I grabbed a cliff bar and sat on the bench near the pharmacy and ate a bite and prayed that I wouldn't pass out and fall on the linoleum floor.  (I have an irrational fear of linoleum floors).


I made it and came home and looked at my throat and saw was the doc saw.  ZOMBIE DEATH THROAT.


A week later, antibiotics almost all gone, my throat was looking just as bad as had when I first went in.  I hadn't really gotten out of bed for the entire week, either.  You know when you're sick and you hit that wall where you're like, "Screw this!  I'm bored.  I'm tired of being in bed.  Time for other things!" and you move to small activities and then to bigger ones and then you're all functioning again?  It had been 7 days and I still was content to sleep almost all day and night and watch episodes of Bored to Death and take vicodin.  I went back to the urgent care.  They did a mono-spot test and I HAVE MONO.


DO YOU UNDERSTAND WORLD?  I HAVE MONONUCLEOSIS.


I spent Thanksgiving alone and in bed.  It was pathetic but I was not having any of "driving for 3 hours to eat lots of food and potentially getting mom sick" or my mom driving here just to eat food with me.  You see, mono has this way of making you forget about food.  Even on Thanksgiving.


Since then I have been laying in bed.  I'm on a new course of steroids that is pretty sweet except for the side effects, which I haven't noticed (other than the insomnia which is listed as a long-term side effect, HA) but are worth a read:

• Elevated pressure in the eyes (glaucoma)
• Fluid retention, causing swelling in your lower legs
• Increased blood pressure
• Mood swings
• Weight gain, with fat deposits in your abdomen, face and the back of your neck

OH RIGHT, FAT DEPOSITS ON THE BACK OF MY NECK AND ALSO ON MY FACE.  As if the attractive golfball sized swollen lymph node on my left jaw isn't enough.  Anyway, I'll be done taking those tomorrow- they have helped a lot with that whole zombie death throat thing.  Hopefully zombie death throat will not return.

Here are things I've learned from having mono:

• pets are amazing at making you NOT feel like you are a worthless sack of shit.  If you have to take care of one, you have a purpose and you don't question God constantly on why you exist in the first place if you are feeling like this.  Pippa is a hilarious companion and she is my best friend.
• orange juice: seems like a great idea.  IT'S NOT.  The zombie throat of death prohibits the citrus. 
• ice cream: FANTASTIC IDEA.
• having mono over a major holiday was kind of cool for being so sucky.  The handouts were great: I sampled 3 different Thanksgivings and realized I love sweet potatoes, pumpkin related items, brussel sprouts, TURKEY, and other things a lot more than I thought.  I should eat these things more.
• antiseptic throat spray rules
• my sick uniform here at chez eliz: black leggings, deep v tee shirt (helps with fevers, you can cool down way faster), long sleeve over that, and uggs and a vest to take Pippa out.  It goes from day, to night, to day, to night, to day, to night, to day, to night..... here at the hipster hospital ward
• emotional breakdowns, whether because of hormone induced craziness from steroids or from sufjan stevens or from the fact that you haven't talked to a human face to face in 4 days, can almost always be cured by a dumb movie, eating something, or having a conversation with your dog.

I've had the mild urge to spread mono to other people who live in my building using biowarfare tactics (licking door knobs, etc) to get even with their noisy obnoxious behavior.  I also like thinking of myself as a phoenix that is dying slowly only to reemerge out of my memory foam mattress as Elizabeth 2.0 who will conquer the planet in the following ways:

1. wearing bright lip stick
2. making new friends
3. styling my hair
4. trying harder to look like Zooey Deschanel
5. cooking things other than stir fry
6. drinking heavily and reveling in my 20's before I get washed up 
7. moving somewhere temporarily with my mobile job and seeing what happens.

Dates with Mountains

Went for a hike in early March with G and borrowed dog, Rosa.  Rosa is the smartest dog I've ever encountered.  G and I didn't know exactly where to go and Rosa always knew.  We would start walking the wrong way and Rosa would practically roll her eyes at us.  I need a dog that is smarter than me.

The mountains here look so grown up with snow all over them..  The snow makes them look taller!  It was a perfect spring day on Saturday, 70 degrees and sunny- first day out with bare legs.  Then today while I was at work I looked out of the window at one point and it was POURING SNOW.  Western North Carolina does this every year but every year it takes everyone by surprise.  I get excited every time.

this wilderness needs to get right out of my clothes and get into my bedroom.

I was walking home from where the bus lets me off (I was returning home from the Freeminds Book Club "Friendraiser" at Marvin*) when as I approach my stoop I see a cute dog walking around. No leash, no owner, just walking around. It came up to me and I pet it and it was really sweet. It looked like a puppy but kind of a big puppy. Really nice dog. I walked up the stairs to my door and the dog followed me! I sat down and pet it and talked to it and it didn't have a collar but it was obvious that this dog had been socialized with people. So cute!

It ran to another stoop where a woman was on the phone, she yelled to me "is that your dog?" and I said "no" and she said she was calling animal control. That made me so sad- I sat and pet the dog for some more and tried to take a picture to show it to my boyfriend. I came inside so that I wouldn't be so tempted to keep it. I was SO CLOSE TO BRINGING THAT DOG INSIDE. I want a dog so bad! And I'm pretty sure animal control puts animals to sleep if no on adopts them really fast... so I'm feeling really sick about it now... but I'm pretty sure that since it is still a puppy and it's so friendly and cute that someone will adopt it quickly. aw. I came inside and spewed that whole story to my roommate and almost cried.

I'm at a time in my life where I really want a dog for the companionship and consistency (since both of those things are kind of up in the air right now) but I live in a small apartment, I don't come straight home from work all the time, I can't come home for lunch to let it out, I travel spontaneously... the list goes on. Bad idea to bring a pet that needs a lot of love into the mix. I am still considering getting a hamster, though. They don't mind being alone and you can leave them for a pretty long amount of time and they are ok. Really I want a dog, though.

*Marvin is a really cool bar near U street in DC. It is a Marvin Gaye tribute bar. I can't even believe that exists and the fact that it does exist and that it is VERY CLASSY AND NICE just floors me. They served chicken and waffles and ribs at the fundraiser..... my first chicken and waffles! Marvin is is specifically devoted to a period in Marvin Gaye's life when he moved to Belgium to kind of "regroup" so they serve Belgian beer (my favorite!)