The Kids Don't Stand a Chance

I think Asheville is in the middle of the peak summer heat wave right now. I have slept with my backup fan blowing on my head the past two nights. Having no AC is still very satisfying in an OCD energy-conservation kind of way.

I bought a car! I will take pictures soon. It is a white 2003 Honda Civic Hybrid. Hybrid means I don't feel as guilty about buying a car as I would have if it were not a hybrid. Mainly, I am in love with it because

1. It's freaking cute and awesome
2. The turning radius turns me on (seriously, it beats the volvo my mom had)
3. It's the color I wanted
4. It has an electric engine to help the gas engine
5. it CUTS OFF COMPLETELY WHEN YOU STOP!!!!!!!!!!! SO AWESOME
6. MAIN REASON: it has awesome miles-per-gallon tools that tell you how many MPG you're using at any given time. It also can record the average MPG you get when you set the miles- like, when you track how many miles you go, it will also track your average MPG. (I'm currently in the process of seeing how accurate the MPG tools are by doing the math the old skool way so we'll see how that goes)
7. I didn't get it at a stupid car dealership. My advice to the sensitive cats in the world: don't shop at car dealerships. They are insane! There is no "deal" about it, just getting hosed by a-hole car dealers. I had major problems with the whole "haggling" process and getting disrespected because I am a young woman. Craigslist all the way.

Also, hilarious point about hybrid drivers, if you notice they drive really slow: it's because they want REALLY GOOD MPG. So addicting and fun to get 100MPG going down hills at 35 mph... not realizing/not caring you're holding up traffic.

So I am in the process of becoming a full fledged North Carolina resident. I passed the NC written driving test and didn't miss a single question! Some of those suckers are a little tricky, but hell if I was going to go back to the DMV another time. That's like taking a trip to hell and deciding to return for another round. Now I wait for my new license to come in the mail. Then I have to go get NC tags for my car, then I will be a real person. I have to say I am totally spoiled by the car already, public transportation down here is the suck for sure. I try to take the bus when I can to go to/from work but the new hasn't worn off of driving the cutest car around town.... so I need to get over that. Adventures to DC are in the future, as well as Raleigh/Chapel Hill, Weldon (NC) and Beaufort, SC. I already went home once and that was the worst shitshow of all time, won't be doing that again anytime soon. Sometimes home is so. hard.

In case the internet world is wondering: I broke up with my boyfriend. It has been awful. I feel like crap just about all the time, but I am slowly feeling better. I guess it's something we all have to go through. I have been trying to distract myself with the car, friends, etc but I can't keep busy enough. It was so much easier to be insanely busy in DC. Asheville just isn't happenin' as much. It makes me feel like such an island- really distant from everything I thought I knew. The past year I feel like I've grown up more than any other year probably since I was an infant. It's so uncomfortable- I've been really wanting to hit the "rewind" button on life a lot lately (it makes me think about my friend Pete's tatoo of the play, pause, stop, fast forward and rewind buttons like on a remote). I know I will get better- I am getting better. I just need to quit being alone and hiding and schedule the shit out of my life again.

I've been listening to Vampire Weekend and The Magnetic Fields non-stop.

Come down from the mountain, you have been gone too long

So, big news! I went down to Asheville last Thursday after work
("J, I'm off of work, what is the plan?" "E, do you want to leave now?" "YES" "Lets go.")

I had a job interview in Asheville for a position with the Western North Carolina Green Building Council. It was on Friday in a happy upstairs room of a house/office in West Asheville. I felt so good about it and was already dreading the feeling of being let down after being so excited about leaving my current job (which has progressively gotten worse and worse, things I have not revealed in this blog).

I returned my bff R's car to her (she was still at work) and since I didn't have anything to do but wait I offered to help her since her job was swamped that day. Her bosses immediately swooped in to meet me (very sweet) and when I told them I had just returned from a job interview they scolded R for not telling them I was looking for a job (!?) and ushered me into a hilarious conference room- shouting "get the cookies! bring the cookies!" the whole time. So I sat and ate a cookie while we had a pseudo-job interview at this law firm?!! It was really funny and so kind at the same time. I really love small town type things. I swear upon everything I know, I think that people in Western NC are NICER than most. I don't know what it is. Maybe I am nicer when I am there, too. So I had two job interviews back to back, one official and one not (but kinda?). So funny. At the end one of the ladies said, "We're ready when you are!"

I changed out of my interview suit and met up with my boyfriend for a weekend of hiking and general Western NC therapy in Pisgah National Forest. It was wonderful to smell all the mountain smells and listen to wind. Wind is really loud when you're high up in the mountains. We hiked up Black Balsam and over that ridge and back down to Flat Laurel Creek (please talk to me if you know what area I'm talking about, it's one of my favorite places of all time). We didn't actually go backpacking because we really didn't have time to. It was still so nice to relax and stare at mountains and rivers and nothing without any obligations for a while. The mountains help me to clear my head better than anything else. I can see things for what they are so much better after I consult the Blue Ridge.

So Sunday morning came and my blissful mountain time had to end. The drive back to DC was grueling as usual, though I had a lot to think about. By the time we got to Fredericksburg it was time for a snack so J and I cruised the chip isle of some gas station debating whether or not almonds were a better snack than Teddy Grahams (I hate Teddy Grahms). I got a call from an unknown number - 9:30PM on a Sunday night? It was THE GUY FROM THE GREEN BUILDING COUNCIL. I GOT THE JOB. 9:30PM ON A SUNDAY NIGHT. I am just now coming down from the cloud I was elevated to on the chip isle. Holy hell, a ticket back to Asheville doing meaningful work for people WHO WILL APPRECIATE IT. Yes yes, a thousand times yes!

Today was filled with resigning from my current job (!!! hello grownup!) and the beginning of lots of mental lists. I am moving back down to Asheville in less than 3 weeks. Dreams come true! I can't stop listening to Fleet Foxes. I am feeling good. Goodbyes are hard but I am getting better at them every time.

Gosh, I am so pleased. It makes so much more sense for me to live in Asheville. I am confidant.




Darling, I can barely remember you beside me
You should come back home, back on your own now

The Merry Blues

I returned to Asheville last weekend to celebrate graduation at Warren Wilson with friends- it turned out to be a huge 1-year-out-of-college reunion for a lot of folks. I was so ecstatically happy for a couple days- it feels so good to be manically happy after looking forward to something for so long. Seeing my boyfriend was also so good- I miss him every day. I have a lot of guilt for moving away, though I know that if I had stayed down there until he finished school I would have resented myself/him. I really had too much fun in Asheville, I knew it would happen. Right when I feel good about living in DC and charting a new course I go back and screw it all up with those intoxicating mountains, bearded men, and bluegrass. I almost wish Asheville were so far away that I really couldn't return, just so that temptation wouldn't be there and I could be left to forge a new existence without being foiled in one visit.

I am filled with a constant dilemma. Every day, I think about whether I should keep on with my new life in DC or if I should move back to Asheville. There are such wonderful advantages to both places. It was a very easy decision before I made good friends in DC- just wait out my lease here and then go back. Now I have people that make me happy here- I love the independence I have in the city- no car, easy access to whatever I want, always fun things going on and places to explore. It seems like I meet new people all the time who are really smart and successful. My old friends are constantly visiting me here- it is rare that I am alone. At the same time, the city can be grating on me. It's hard to get out of the concrete when you really want to- I feel awkward about listening to My Morning Jacket and Fleet Foxes, it is honestly inappropriate to listen to that stuff in a city. I miss the watchful mountains of Western NC and the familiar faces and places there. I miss being close to my mom, and boyfriend, too. I know I would be happy in both places- that is the biggest problem. Which would make me happiest? I was always under the impression that after college life is glamorous and easy, you set yourself up and just go. It is like that sometimes- but there are always problems. It would be so much easier to not get so attached to people and places. At least I got out of South Carolina and have no desire to return.

I suppose the answer is just to continue the wait for my lease to go up- see how the summer goes. My job is miserable, so that does have a large influence. Today, I lean toward staying in DC. Tomorrow, we'll see. The answer is always "wait and see what happens" for EVERYTHING.

I also am aware of what I have termed "Asheville Disease" - which is a disease that affects those who have visited or lived in Asheville and fell in love with it but can't find a way to return. Those of us who live every day with the pull to go back but no opportunity for a decent job there or some other obstacle that keeps us where we are. Asheville Disease is made worse by going back, of course. There is another saying about Warren Wilson graduates- there are two types. The ones that stay in Asheville and can't find a job and the ones that leave Asheville, have a job, but are just trying to go back. This is so true it is pathetic. It's nice to not be alone in my illness, though.

I am also finally aware of the fact that choosing Warren Wilson College was the best possible decision I could have made about where to go to school. It took this long to realize it, but a big thank you to 18-year-old Elizabeth is in order. Seriously, I went to the perfect school for me. I have no regrets about it and I don't think I would have been happier anywhere else. There were times when I thought about transferring- but I found the people that I needed to learn and to grow so it worked out. It makes paying the loans not so terrible.

I am also aware now that there are way more people reading this blog than I thought. I'll try to update it more. I know I always say that.

On the day that I turned 23

This song has made me fall in love pretty badly. I like listening to it without the video- though the video is ok. More updates about falling love with other things later.

I can't stop sneezing; I am so depressed.

So, an update that is not me whining from my blackberry. Christmas and New Years were GREAT because I didn't have to work and there were great people to hang out with at home. My mom and I had our annual Christmas party (even though it was after Christmas this year) and it was surprisingly not as awkward as usual. I think because everyone is growing up it's just ok to be who we are and catch up, high school grudges and hangups aside.

I visited some family for Christmas. My grandmother gave me the world's smallest food processor and world's smallest rice cooker (!!!!) so maybe after I read how to use the things I will be eating something other than PB&J and stir-fry. It came to my attention while I was at home that many of my comrades who are now in the working world don't cook or bring their lunch. This idea has never crossed my mind, probably because I hate eating out a lot and I'm also too cheap. It made me realize how much I hate eating out. My mom reminded me that I even hated it when I was little. I like going out with friends and on weekends and stuff.

Anyways. After lots of fights with my mom (and her sudden flight to Birmingham, AL with her boyfriend?!), quality time at my boyfriend's house playing Wii, and perusing the after Christmas sales (see, Dolla Saver), I went to Asheville with my boyfriend. We went to the J Crew CLEARANCE CENTER which is part of the J CREW DISTRIBUTION CENTER FOR THE SOUTH EAST. When I was done throwing up all over myself out of excitement I picked out a pair of earmuffs that I'd been eyeing at the regular J Crew store that were $50 but at the special clearance store they were $10!!! I also got a wool dress for $35 for those cold ass days when I am tired of wearing pants. That place is seriously awesome. Even my bf got a sweater! Probably because I made him stay in there for 2 hours.

On New Years Eve I drank gin and tonics with friends and we rang in the new year on the top of an apartment building overlooking the city. It was really nice celebrating new years without a tv.














We saw a weird new years caterpillar thing (oh Asheville).

Afterwards we went to a bar (The Z Lounge) and danced and watched the hilarious people in there.

On New Years Day we cooked collards and pork chops and hoppin' john and we slothed around all day. It was glorious. The next day me and the boyfriend and I drove down Warren Wilson Road and I stocked up on almond butter from Amazing Savings (discount gourmet grocery store that is my life-force). We ate at Burgermeisters (awesome) and drove home. I really didn't want to leave.

After that I made a trip to the Clearance Goodwill, where you can buy Goodwill items by the pound ($1.00/pound). There, sparkling and new was a Bernina Bernette 50 sewing machine in perfect working condition for $25. I packed that sucker up and hauled it to DC in my carry-on bag. The machine I was planning on bringing back was one of those old Singers that is made of solid metal. They are awesome machines because they can sew through anything (concrete, leather, moonbeams) but they weight approx. 150 lbs. So finding a nice nice lighter machine was extremely good luck. It was my Christmas present from Goodwill. I'm planning on sewing ugly/cute stuffed animals, bags, wallets, ipod holders, etc. very soon. Ideas/things to copy are welcome.

New years in Asheville was great and terrible at the same time. I realized that I really really need to move back there. ASAP. Which is still at least 2 years down the line. I am honestly sick and miserable right now to be back in DC. I feel so dumb for thinking that I would be ok living without the Western NC mountains. I am concentrating on enjoying myself while I am in DC and making a career for myself so that when I move back I can do something other than being a waitress. I also have a cold right now (round II, cool) that is making me even more miserable. It's hard to return to work- no one tells you when you're in school that you are being trained to be a cog in a giant machine that there is no way out of. Well, there are many ways out, but not if you have college loans. I guess there are my two goals: 1. build my career 2. pay off college loans. New Years Resolution 2009: pave the road back to Asheville.

visitors, thanksgiving, ringtones

I've finally really started to calm down after the move, the new job, etc. I know this because I've started making themed playlists again. In college I made playlists of songs about mountains, songs with clapping in them, stuff like that. Now I'm working on a playlist related to public transportation (or travel in general) and a playlist with songs that include something about Washington in them. When they fill themselves out I'll be sure to report my findings.

So since my last post I've had several visitors. I hope that my life in Washington always has this many visitors, every weekend someone new comes up for one reason or another! RW came up a while ago for a little and we combed Georgetown for things that were remotely affordable (ha!)

My boyfriend was up to visit for the past week- I had to work for a lot of it though which was disappointing and also disturbing. I've never had to ditch someone for entire days like that. I've always been able to move my schedule around. It was nice anyway, we ate lots of good food and explored some great stuff. Unbeknownst to us, there was a Georgia O'Keeffe and Ansel Adams exhibit at the Smithsonian American Art Museum that we happened to stumble upon. That worked out really nicely since my boyfriend is a big fan of Ansel Adams (consequently I am becoming more appreciative, too). There is also a nice folk art section in the American Art Museum, I'm just waiting for the day when our beloved South Carolina Chicken Man (Ernest Lee) gets some of his chickens in there. When I bought a couple chickens from him in October he (Ernest) talked to me for a long time about when he lived in DC and how bad the crime is. Apparently he used to work not far from my apartment!

I was introduced to Tryst (near Dupont Circle/Adams Morgan) by some college friends and I am a fan. Although the place was PACKED when we went, once you do find a seat you understand why no one wants to leave. It's a coffee shop / bar that is super mellow with cozy couches and free internet.

I also decided that I officially have a new favorite food. Panang Curry. You can get it in most Thai restaurants. It is AWESOME if you like the sweet/hot combination, kind of nutty, creamy, mmm so good.

So I flew home for Thanksgiving and I've been hanging out with my mom. It's nice spending time with her. Sometimes when I come home though, I get really really stressed out about nothing at all. Stress just pulses through me and I don't want to hang out with anyone and I don't want to listen to my mom talk and I am mean. It feels like I just need to get out or I want to get out of Columbia, even though I don't because I just got here. I have problems. A lot of my Thanksgiving felt like that. Some breaks aren't like that at all.

So I've been busy making my own ringtones- I usually just sample songs (usually the beginning of songs) on Wavepad and then transfer them to the phone. so far the best songs for ringtones are:

Crayons - Caribou (this has been G's ringtone for a long time, it is seriously the best)
Cemetery - Architecture in Helsinki
Spring 2008 - Architecture in Helsinki
Ready to Die - Andrew WK (only the very beginning of this one)

If you have any ideas for a good ringtone please comment!!!!!

Great Northeast Adventure GO!

So I've been adventuring.  It goes like this:

• July 29 (?) started driving to Maine (from South Carolina) for vacation with boyfriend's family.
  
• Stopped in Baltimore and walked the streets (go get your Gram Parsons)
  
• Stopped in Providence and ate at La Creperie with C
  
• Got to Maine

-Farming adventures- harvesting wax beans and lettuce on an organic farm

-Sailing

-Lobster races a la Annie Hall but not as annoying (that movie is weird)

-Hiking at the Holbrook Island Sanctuary

-Discount shopping at Reny's and Marden's

-Endless Flight of the Concords listening

-Being mistaken for townies (only the bf and me) in Portland, ME

-General family cheerleader activities because I'm not actually related

More stories later on that, maybe.  It was really cold and rainy the whole time and I LOVED it.  Being cold.. in August.  It's so magical.  (cue the song "Carolina Girls")

Now I'm in Providence, Rhode Island chilling with C in her apartment.  When my boyfriend's family was driving back to South Carolina I just thought... why on earth would I want to go back there.  Especially right now, when the highs have been in the 100's.  So I just stayed in Providence and watched them leave.  I was only going to stay for a week but I have no real obligations- so I'm going to stay until the end of August and help C move out and drive down to South Carolina.  We're going to have a yard sale on Saturday.  She knits a lot and we cook together.  We got an amazing deal at Jcrew the other day (2 dresses and a skirt for $22? Jcrew?!  did you know they have a 15% student discount?)  We picked a lot of blueberries.  She took me to Ikea!!!!!  Super adventures GO!

Yesterday I went to Boston to meet up with some college friends.  We had so much fun going to the Garment District, walking around Harvard, discussing all the medical study opportunities available in the Boston area, eating in China Town at the best vegetarian restaurant EVER (that had these blended fruit and coconut milk smoothie things), riding the T, finding the perfect iced coffee, just everything.  I have lots of pictures but I didn't bring my camera cord, I'll have to ask C for one.  Seeing all these people (and getting the hell out of South Carolina) has made me feel so much better in general.  I'm still keeping up with the job search and applying and interviewing-- but getting out and doing different things is so nice.  We're going to meet up again next week and try to add more Warren Wilson friends to the mix.  

Today on my way back to Providence I was waiting for the T and I got mistaken for a townie AGAIN.  Way to go me!!!

Another main reason I've been feeling so bad lately at home in South Carolina has been the inadequacy I feel about not having a steady job, not getting a job, all the rejection letters, missing college, etc.  It is such a lonely business to not have a car and be stuck in a town when you had so many dreams about post-collegiate life.  Seeing old friends my age in the EXACT SAME SITUATION having the EXACT SAME conversations about the job search, interviews, waiting for calls and emails- it has made me feel not quite so alone.  It is much better to go through this with other people going through it too.  It's hard to remember that I'm not alone when I'm so removed from so many people I love.

I also started a new project for this blog.  I am always excited when I see how other places recycle- what kind of cans they use, how they label their containers, etc.  I've started taking pictures of all the different ones I've seen in my travels and hopefully I'll get to post them to have a kind of collection for the "trashlady."  Not that anyone would be interested in how other cities and schools recycle- it's just cool seeing it in action.  You can see most of the containers people use in catalogues but for me it is also a documentation of where I've been traveling.  So... soon you can look at recycling containers.