lametown

Job search blues, today for the first time in a long time.  Why is it so hard?  Why do I feel so bad?  It's like being in gym class and not getting picked for either team, all summer. 

So lame.  I feel like an extreme loser.  I'm running out of patience.

Great Northeast Adventure GO!

So I've been adventuring.  It goes like this:

• July 29 (?) started driving to Maine (from South Carolina) for vacation with boyfriend's family.
  
• Stopped in Baltimore and walked the streets (go get your Gram Parsons)
  
• Stopped in Providence and ate at La Creperie with C
  
• Got to Maine

-Farming adventures- harvesting wax beans and lettuce on an organic farm

-Sailing

-Lobster races a la Annie Hall but not as annoying (that movie is weird)

-Hiking at the Holbrook Island Sanctuary

-Discount shopping at Reny's and Marden's

-Endless Flight of the Concords listening

-Being mistaken for townies (only the bf and me) in Portland, ME

-General family cheerleader activities because I'm not actually related

More stories later on that, maybe.  It was really cold and rainy the whole time and I LOVED it.  Being cold.. in August.  It's so magical.  (cue the song "Carolina Girls")

Now I'm in Providence, Rhode Island chilling with C in her apartment.  When my boyfriend's family was driving back to South Carolina I just thought... why on earth would I want to go back there.  Especially right now, when the highs have been in the 100's.  So I just stayed in Providence and watched them leave.  I was only going to stay for a week but I have no real obligations- so I'm going to stay until the end of August and help C move out and drive down to South Carolina.  We're going to have a yard sale on Saturday.  She knits a lot and we cook together.  We got an amazing deal at Jcrew the other day (2 dresses and a skirt for $22? Jcrew?!  did you know they have a 15% student discount?)  We picked a lot of blueberries.  She took me to Ikea!!!!!  Super adventures GO!

Yesterday I went to Boston to meet up with some college friends.  We had so much fun going to the Garment District, walking around Harvard, discussing all the medical study opportunities available in the Boston area, eating in China Town at the best vegetarian restaurant EVER (that had these blended fruit and coconut milk smoothie things), riding the T, finding the perfect iced coffee, just everything.  I have lots of pictures but I didn't bring my camera cord, I'll have to ask C for one.  Seeing all these people (and getting the hell out of South Carolina) has made me feel so much better in general.  I'm still keeping up with the job search and applying and interviewing-- but getting out and doing different things is so nice.  We're going to meet up again next week and try to add more Warren Wilson friends to the mix.  

Today on my way back to Providence I was waiting for the T and I got mistaken for a townie AGAIN.  Way to go me!!!

Another main reason I've been feeling so bad lately at home in South Carolina has been the inadequacy I feel about not having a steady job, not getting a job, all the rejection letters, missing college, etc.  It is such a lonely business to not have a car and be stuck in a town when you had so many dreams about post-collegiate life.  Seeing old friends my age in the EXACT SAME SITUATION having the EXACT SAME conversations about the job search, interviews, waiting for calls and emails- it has made me feel not quite so alone.  It is much better to go through this with other people going through it too.  It's hard to remember that I'm not alone when I'm so removed from so many people I love.

I also started a new project for this blog.  I am always excited when I see how other places recycle- what kind of cans they use, how they label their containers, etc.  I've started taking pictures of all the different ones I've seen in my travels and hopefully I'll get to post them to have a kind of collection for the "trashlady."  Not that anyone would be interested in how other cities and schools recycle- it's just cool seeing it in action.  You can see most of the containers people use in catalogues but for me it is also a documentation of where I've been traveling.  So... soon you can look at recycling containers.

sad

I am just really sad. Sad, fed up, sick, nervous. Reality sure does hit hard.

I get cryptic when things are too much for the internet. It really is such a superficial place. It's becoming weirder and weirder how even though it is so superficial, it has become the communication medium for some really serious stuff. I don't know how to feel about that and my anthropology goggles are whirring at work trying to make sense of it. So sad.

death and rejection

I know it's been a while since I wrote. I had some serious internet paranoia about employers "finding me" on the internet so I worked for a couple days to try to keep my online presence down to a minimum. Let it be known, young bloggers, don't ever use your full name on ANYTHING unless you want it to be found by the pope, your grandma, your novio/novias mom, or the people that you want to HIRE YOU IN THE FUTURE. I have been so naive.

Yesterday I went to the funeral for my great-aunt in Walterboro, South Carolina. I felt really sad for my grandmother because she was so sad that her sister died. It must be such a terrible feeling to watch your family die and know that you're next and not far off. She's about to be 89, so I'm not sure if she even realizes these things or not (a little dementia can be a good thing). The service was at a Baptist church and was really bizarre, not exactly what I'm used to in term of religion. Like any event involving ritual or rites of passage, I had my anthropology goggles on. In this service, it was run clearly by men. Three male preachers or pastors or whatever they were led the pal bearers in a processional inside the church. The three head guys then ran the service, which involved no interaction from the guests (congregation)- except for that optional "amen" at the end of certain prayers. The only singing was done by one soloist man who was in the front, too. I wanna know where the women at? Just not my cup of tea. But- my great aunt's religion did help her a lot in her life and especially when she was sick in the hospital.

You really have to credit religion for serving its purpose sometimes. One thing about anthropology goggles and religion is that it can turn you into an atheist really fast- though I'm not. I still believe but I also understand what the function of religions ARE and how they can change over time to suit the spiritual needs of a culture (not much sacrifice going on in the US anymore, is there? There are reasons for this kind of cultural change).

So anyway. I didn't get one of the jobs that I really really wanted. When that happened it was the first time I have cried during this whole process. It's just so disappointing to be rejected and not know why- it really does make you feel like you're damaged goods or that there is something wrong with you or that you're doing something wrong with the process. Even worse, to not get an answer one way or another from the potential employer by the date they said they would get back to you. I practically spammed this lady to get an answer out of her- and let it be known that if an employer doesn't get back to you quickly / on time, chances are you didn't catch that bus to employment town. They will stay in close touch with those that they want and a lot of times just "forget" about the no-gos. It seems like employers just like to avoid that whole "I'm just not that into you" message so they just don't say anything at all. How hard is it to send an email or call a person and just say- hey, you're great but we're looking for something else. I am trying to stay positive. I got an encouraging phone message about another job- I'm on the "short list." The politics with this stuff are incredible.

So I am alive, happy internet. I'm still dealing with internet paranoia but I think I have it under control now.

point and laugh at the politicians

More interviews. One really good one recently.

The governor of South Carolina flubbed up on tv and it's funny. Point and laugh at the dumb puppet!!! What's the difference between Bush and McCain? NAFTA? Sorry Sanford, I guess there is something worse that has come out of your mouth since you spoke at my high school graduation. His main piece of advice during that speech was "Don't go through life with a bucket on your head." Maybe you should take your own advice, Mark. laugh laugh laugh.

lies

so I guess what they meant by "we'll get back to you by the end of next week" was "we'll get back to you maybe at the beginning of the week after that" or "we'll get back to you whenever we feel like it and just tell you lies."

ps- I wrote a really long post yesterday about ageism toward young applicants but I removed it because it slams a recent interview I had. Internet paranoia is real.

taco extravaganza, cops in Russia, computer sadness

So a couple nights ago the boyfriend and I were watching some late night TV when we came across COPS in Russia. This is kind of like regular COPS except that the cops in Russia are police officers terrorizing the people of Moscow in 1989. So weird. It's not even on imdb.

I got a job offer. I'm not going to take it, though. I don't think it would cut the mustard, especially in the college-loan-payback department. Moving to Chicago to sort recyclables would be cool, for about a week. The people with the organization are really nice though, especially the guy I talked to. He said he'd keep me in mind for future positions. Sheesh. I'm still waiting on a lot of other jobs. I have another interview tomorrow with a job that could be really cool- so things are not completely stagnant. I'm supposed to hear back about a job by the end of this week, too.

Last night the boyfriend (who hates being referred to as "the boyfriend"- I guess I can say "my boyfriend" now) and I went to The Whig, an underground (literally) bar in Columbia, SC. They have $.50 tacos every Tuesday night so we try to go every now and then. Last night we were the last people to order tacos so they gave us ALL the tacos that they had made so that they wouldn't be throwing them away. Taco extravaganza! The Whig is the only bar I've been to in Columbia that I really feel ok going to. All my other experiences usually have involved that nasty sorority girl look-over and frat boy check-out. Ugh, that shit makes me feel like such a fish out of water. I'm so unaccustomed to it having lived in Asheville for the past four years that when I am confronted with it I feel really uncomfortable. My boyfriend was saying that someone referred to The Whig as "that bar where all the guys with beards go." Sure enough, thank God for The Whig.

Yesterday I spent at least 2-3 hours trying to hook up my computer to my mom's cable internet. I have tried everything on my own, re-setting configurations, fiddling with the modem and the ethernet cord, all that crap. I called Time Warner and a girl there walked me through some stuff and proceeded to tell me that the problem was with the configuration (NO DUH) and that it was outside of her troubleshooting area and that I would have to call Dell. So I call Dell and talk to a couple people in India. One nice man walked me through a lot of different things, none of which worked. He then concluded that the problem was either with my ISP (Time Warner) or I just needed to backup all my crap and re-install Windows. Um... is this really that big of a deal? Can anyone out there please help me? It's getting so ridiculous! My computer could connect to all the different connections I had at school. So frustrating.