I'm lonely tonight, but feeling alright

I have neglected this blog.  I have been alternating between being overwhelmingly busy and not having much to do at all.

I've been reading a lot for pleasure again, which always inspires me to write more.  I am tempted by National Novel Writing Month (nanowrimo) but am resisting because friend G and I got selected to be in the Sustainable Midlands Holiday Market selling out wares (of which I need to be making instead of a novel).

It has been feeling like my life is something similar to a John Irving novel lately.  I recently got an email from my dad about all of my classmates that have come to him to buy engagement rings (he is a jeweler).  I have always known that he is one of the first people in the town I grew up in to know about people's intentions of marriage [it used to thrill me as a child that my dad held such huge secrets], but now those people are people I grew up with.  [I think this is an amazing basis for a novel].  I mostly have felt a general feeling of nausea when hearing about things like this (engagements, babies, weddings), though lately I have just been feeling giddy and happy for those people.  I think a lot of it is just knowing how happy they are at that moment and for the coming months.  I do get jealous these days, though, of people who seem have their shit together.  I think that is because I get lonely.  I am so much better at it than I was but sometimes the rollercoaster that controls my brain chemistry just dives too fast and misinterprets things in dumb ways.  I like this video a lot:



I went to Moogfest on Friday night, it was basically the most fun thing ever.  I miss dancing and djs and crazy lights and feeling euphoric.  I saw my 7th grade boyfriend and recognized him by his voice.  I'm still reeling a little from that, though I was in a rush and couldn't talk.  I can't believe shit, sometimes.

Gosh, feeling down late at night is lame.  I need to sleep.  I really want to feel certain of some things.  I think people go through life looking for certainty about things and the more they find the happier they are, even if that certainty is that they just don't give a damn.

Anyway, I have been listening to The Secret Sisters non stop for like 4 days and mostly just this song: