Listening to Fleet Foxes on a lonely and overcast Sunday in the city is just like shooting myself in the foot. I did buy a ticket to their show here in July, though who knows if I'll actually be here to go see it. Today is a move-back-to-Asheville type of day.
Staying in DC for memorial day was a mistake. Everyone is busy or gone.
I should go for a bike ride so that I don't dissolve completely in loneliness and regret. Ugh. Stay busy, stay busy.
I will go ride my bike down to Adam's Morgan I think, that will help me feel better.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
The Merry Blues
I returned to Asheville last weekend to celebrate graduation at Warren Wilson with friends- it turned out to be a huge 1-year-out-of-college reunion for a lot of folks. I was so ecstatically happy for a couple days- it feels so good to be manically happy after looking forward to something for so long. Seeing my boyfriend was also so good- I miss him every day. I have a lot of guilt for moving away, though I know that if I had stayed down there until he finished school I would have resented myself/him. I really had too much fun in Asheville, I knew it would happen. Right when I feel good about living in DC and charting a new course I go back and screw it all up with those intoxicating mountains, bearded men, and bluegrass. I almost wish Asheville were so far away that I really couldn't return, just so that temptation wouldn't be there and I could be left to forge a new existence without being foiled in one visit.
I am filled with a constant dilemma. Every day, I think about whether I should keep on with my new life in DC or if I should move back to Asheville. There are such wonderful advantages to both places. It was a very easy decision before I made good friends in DC- just wait out my lease here and then go back. Now I have people that make me happy here- I love the independence I have in the city- no car, easy access to whatever I want, always fun things going on and places to explore. It seems like I meet new people all the time who are really smart and successful. My old friends are constantly visiting me here- it is rare that I am alone. At the same time, the city can be grating on me. It's hard to get out of the concrete when you really want to- I feel awkward about listening to My Morning Jacket and Fleet Foxes, it is honestly inappropriate to listen to that stuff in a city. I miss the watchful mountains of Western NC and the familiar faces and places there. I miss being close to my mom, and boyfriend, too. I know I would be happy in both places- that is the biggest problem. Which would make me happiest? I was always under the impression that after college life is glamorous and easy, you set yourself up and just go. It is like that sometimes- but there are always problems. It would be so much easier to not get so attached to people and places. At least I got out of South Carolina and have no desire to return.
I suppose the answer is just to continue the wait for my lease to go up- see how the summer goes. My job is miserable, so that does have a large influence. Today, I lean toward staying in DC. Tomorrow, we'll see. The answer is always "wait and see what happens" for EVERYTHING.
I also am aware of what I have termed "Asheville Disease" - which is a disease that affects those who have visited or lived in Asheville and fell in love with it but can't find a way to return. Those of us who live every day with the pull to go back but no opportunity for a decent job there or some other obstacle that keeps us where we are. Asheville Disease is made worse by going back, of course. There is another saying about Warren Wilson graduates- there are two types. The ones that stay in Asheville and can't find a job and the ones that leave Asheville, have a job, but are just trying to go back. This is so true it is pathetic. It's nice to not be alone in my illness, though.
I am also finally aware of the fact that choosing Warren Wilson College was the best possible decision I could have made about where to go to school. It took this long to realize it, but a big thank you to 18-year-old Elizabeth is in order. Seriously, I went to the perfect school for me. I have no regrets about it and I don't think I would have been happier anywhere else. There were times when I thought about transferring- but I found the people that I needed to learn and to grow so it worked out. It makes paying the loans not so terrible.
I am also aware now that there are way more people reading this blog than I thought. I'll try to update it more. I know I always say that.
I am filled with a constant dilemma. Every day, I think about whether I should keep on with my new life in DC or if I should move back to Asheville. There are such wonderful advantages to both places. It was a very easy decision before I made good friends in DC- just wait out my lease here and then go back. Now I have people that make me happy here- I love the independence I have in the city- no car, easy access to whatever I want, always fun things going on and places to explore. It seems like I meet new people all the time who are really smart and successful. My old friends are constantly visiting me here- it is rare that I am alone. At the same time, the city can be grating on me. It's hard to get out of the concrete when you really want to- I feel awkward about listening to My Morning Jacket and Fleet Foxes, it is honestly inappropriate to listen to that stuff in a city. I miss the watchful mountains of Western NC and the familiar faces and places there. I miss being close to my mom, and boyfriend, too. I know I would be happy in both places- that is the biggest problem. Which would make me happiest? I was always under the impression that after college life is glamorous and easy, you set yourself up and just go. It is like that sometimes- but there are always problems. It would be so much easier to not get so attached to people and places. At least I got out of South Carolina and have no desire to return.
I suppose the answer is just to continue the wait for my lease to go up- see how the summer goes. My job is miserable, so that does have a large influence. Today, I lean toward staying in DC. Tomorrow, we'll see. The answer is always "wait and see what happens" for EVERYTHING.
I also am aware of what I have termed "Asheville Disease" - which is a disease that affects those who have visited or lived in Asheville and fell in love with it but can't find a way to return. Those of us who live every day with the pull to go back but no opportunity for a decent job there or some other obstacle that keeps us where we are. Asheville Disease is made worse by going back, of course. There is another saying about Warren Wilson graduates- there are two types. The ones that stay in Asheville and can't find a job and the ones that leave Asheville, have a job, but are just trying to go back. This is so true it is pathetic. It's nice to not be alone in my illness, though.
I am also finally aware of the fact that choosing Warren Wilson College was the best possible decision I could have made about where to go to school. It took this long to realize it, but a big thank you to 18-year-old Elizabeth is in order. Seriously, I went to the perfect school for me. I have no regrets about it and I don't think I would have been happier anywhere else. There were times when I thought about transferring- but I found the people that I needed to learn and to grow so it worked out. It makes paying the loans not so terrible.
I am also aware now that there are way more people reading this blog than I thought. I'll try to update it more. I know I always say that.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
On the day that I turned 23
This song has made me fall in love pretty badly. I like listening to it without the video- though the video is ok. More updates about falling love with other things later.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Dumpster Diving
So, it's university move-out season. Now that I'm not in school anymore I decided to get in on some dumpster diving to see what I could find. These pictures are of all the loot I found over 4 days. Let it be known that I am careful in a dumpster and I don't take anything unless it's coming from a reasonably clean bag of trash/box, etc. I may write more about how to dumpster dive soon- it is certainly worth it!
Day 4: tree wall paper, record coasters, Office DVD, Macbook (broken to hell), bed risers, paint, nike sweatband still in package, apple earbuds, dryer sheets, pens, books
Darth Vader mask, crown, origami paper...
Lots of cool clothes...
A LOT of Garnier Fruictese hair products, dish soap, hand soap, advil, lots of facewashes, hairties...
Clorox wipes, dryer sheets....
lots of food! Ramen, oatmeal, hot sauce (2 kinds!), lots of granola bars and snacks, 6 beers, organic canned soups....
2 Sigg water bottles, tupper wear, sandwich bags, lottsss of snack nori, more bars...
Day 3: paper towels, mac and cheese, candy, lots of easy mac, running shoes in my size, bars, lottss of kid clif bars, a big box of organic animal crackers, tons of aleve medicine packs...
a recycling bin (WHAT THE HELL, GUYS?!), a turtle basket, two umbrellas
5 bras!
Day 2: basically all of Trader Joe's was in the trash.. organic everything!!!
lots of laundry things and hair products, an entire pack of first class stamps (?!), 4 DC metro cards with money on them...
north face backpack!!
This was from day 1:
In addition to all this my friends and I found a LOT of textbooks (there are two boxes of them in my hallway). We are going to sell all of them and split the money. Awesome town! So let this be a lesson to you all to reduce what you buy, reuse what you have, and for goodness sake recycle everything else. This stuff was ALL IN DUMPSTERS OR TRASH AREAS. Unbelievable!
Hopefully I'll update the blog more often. I want to do a segment about crazy deals I find at Goodwill and dumpster trips.
Day 4: tree wall paper, record coasters, Office DVD, Macbook (broken to hell), bed risers, paint, nike sweatband still in package, apple earbuds, dryer sheets, pens, books
Darth Vader mask, crown, origami paper...
Lots of cool clothes...
A LOT of Garnier Fruictese hair products, dish soap, hand soap, advil, lots of facewashes, hairties...
Clorox wipes, dryer sheets....
lots of food! Ramen, oatmeal, hot sauce (2 kinds!), lots of granola bars and snacks, 6 beers, organic canned soups....
2 Sigg water bottles, tupper wear, sandwich bags, lottsss of snack nori, more bars...
Day 3: paper towels, mac and cheese, candy, lots of easy mac, running shoes in my size, bars, lottss of kid clif bars, a big box of organic animal crackers, tons of aleve medicine packs...
a recycling bin (WHAT THE HELL, GUYS?!), a turtle basket, two umbrellas
5 bras!
Day 2: basically all of Trader Joe's was in the trash.. organic everything!!!
lots of laundry things and hair products, an entire pack of first class stamps (?!), 4 DC metro cards with money on them...
north face backpack!!
This was from day 1:
In addition to all this my friends and I found a LOT of textbooks (there are two boxes of them in my hallway). We are going to sell all of them and split the money. Awesome town! So let this be a lesson to you all to reduce what you buy, reuse what you have, and for goodness sake recycle everything else. This stuff was ALL IN DUMPSTERS OR TRASH AREAS. Unbelievable!
Hopefully I'll update the blog more often. I want to do a segment about crazy deals I find at Goodwill and dumpster trips.
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